Dreams are a peculiar phenomenon. Not just the cause, as I assume countless philosophers and scientists have already argued upon, but rather the feelings they evoke when one finally awakes.
These dreams are few and far between. I don’t remember enough of these dreams for any coherent sentence, but I do remember her and I remember they happened. Yet last night, I had a dream so vivid and lucid it haunts me still:
We were under the night sky, stars shining brightly to the point where one could see the faintest of constellations, the weather was hot and humid but with the slightest drizzle of cool rain landing on our skin. My arms embraced her waist, her arms wrapped around the back of my neck, her head lay close to my chin and neck, her eyes were closed in a seemingly blissful peace, her face so gentle in comfort, and her hair, her scent...too familiar.
We were dancing, slow mostly but with occasional brisk turns and twirls that made the surrounding lights and people flow into one. And the people around us: they were friends of mine, friends of hers, familiar faces I couldn’t quite put a name to and even unfamiliar faces I’ve never seen. Yet everyone was merry: dancing, singing, and laughing. We danced twisting and turning from one end of the dance floor to the other, our feet never quite in the same place for too long.
The dance floor itself was a peculiarity. It seemed to be made of wood, and seemed to be the top deck of something moving, as if we were on a yacht, or a cruise ship, or something else entirely. There were warm orange fairy lights gracefully strung across the entire length of the deck, and at one end was the live band. They were a group of young gentleman in strangely tropical themed tuxedos, and they were playing “Dancing in the Moonlight”, how fitting.
The starry sky, the slight drizzle, the warm lights, the live band, the music, and all the joyful people, it was all so perfect. Then this girl, she tilted her head up, eyes still closed and gently kissed me. Her lips felt like morning mist, her taste like some sweet fruit, and my heart electrified. It wasn’t a long kiss. It wasn’t a short kiss. It was just perfect, perhaps even more than perfect...it was magical. She slowly opened her eyes, so beautiful I couldn’t begin to describe, and then smiled. Time lost its meaning, the stars shined for us, the universe in all its mysteries made sense. Some moment of eternity.
I awake. It’s 7:57am, the light of dawn barely piercing through my blinds. I have tears in my eyes. For a few seconds this life doesn't matter, I would do anything to go back to that dream. Then the realization that this is my only reality hits. I sit in bed with this hollow empty feeling inside; this unexplainable feeling of longing and this deep sorrow. Saudade they call it. The feeling lingers...yet something else, something new and light burns inside me.
It’s a curious thing, waking up from dreams. In a matter of seconds you can feel the greatest happiness turn to sorrow or in the case of a nightmare, some unbearable terror turn to joy. I sometimes wonder which is better. I wake up from a nightmare traumatized, but feeling relieved it was not real. That reality is better and there is a certain sense of delight to the day. On the other hand with good dreams, I wake up remembering such bliss and happiness. Yet reality hits and that joy quickly becomes a sense of longing, that something is missing, that life could be so much better.
But this dream last night, it was different. It was so vivid, so authentic, dare I say it felt more real than reality itself. Every moment, every scene, every smell and taste I remember. It was beyond wonderful, beautiful, magnificent in every aspect. Joy in the most purest of sense. So inevitably, when I woke up I felt such immense sadness and despair. For uncertain minutes I brooded and then strangely, I felt something new...something bright, and it burned in me like the hottest of fire. I’m not sure how to describe it, this feeling. It’s like hope, inspiration, conviction, maybe even faith, and a powerful reminder of just what I’m living and fighting for. That girl in my dreams, she’s real, and she’s just as amazing. Through every sorrow, pain, and disappointment I have suffered, and will suffer, I will make this dream a reality. This dream reminded me she’s more than worth it. She’s the one who brings my heart to the stars. Maybe this girl will be the end of me, but perhaps...she is my destiny.
